


Change the Wall

by insertcleveruserhere



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluffy, Love, Romance, quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 14:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11534253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertcleveruserhere/pseuds/insertcleveruserhere
Summary: "If you can't change the wall..."Jaal just wants to know what that means and why Sara says it so much.--It's just fluff. Mentions of sex, alludes to the day on Aya. Angsty themes, and mentions Alec Ryder's and Ellen Ryder's deaths.





	Change the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> So, my Ryder used assault rifles and tech in the game. In the story, I mention Peebee's Zap (which you get if you get close enough to Peebee) and the Combat Drone, which comes with the Engineer profile. It doesn't play a major part in the story, but just wanted to point it out in case anyone didn't play as an Engineer.

“If you can’t change the wall…” 

The first time Jaal hears Sara say that, it’s on Aya, just after he’s walked away from her. She’s talking to someone over a comm, after getting an all clear from the Governor, and says her name – Jaal didn’t know Suvi then, and thought her name was strangely Angaran – and she says these six words before ending the communication. He sees her again at the Resistance HQ, the strange markings on her neck making him forget about the strange thing she said a few minutes prior. Angara had markings, yes, but these didn’t appear to be natural. 

The second time she says it is when they’re on Havarl. She’s just been informed that they need to visit the sages to find out how, exactly, they needed to find the last monolith. She sighed, and said it, mostly to herself. She’d asked about the jewel and the fish an hour prior, and Jaal felt inclined to ask what she meant, but it never felt like a good time. 

The third time was when they were sitting in the tech lab on their way to Voeld. She’d introduced him to Earth liquor, and it affected him much faster than anything on Aya. They’d both gotten handsy, her touching his forearm, and he trails his thumb over the necklace of markings on her neck. She’d laughed at him, called them tattoos, and finished her drink. Then she asked how he thought the alliance was going between the Angara and the Nexus, letting her hand roam over his ‘neck flaps’ as Peebee called them, and after he answered, she said it again. He wanted to ask, but she was so tipsy, he doubted they’d either remember the answer.

The fourth time was when they were in the kett facility saving the Moshae. She’d just shot the Cardinal, rage pooling from her like fog, and Jaal knows that he trusts her then. He trusts her with his life, and the lives of the Angara, because she’s enraged at them for killing his people, not hers. The Moshae is upset at her when she chooses to rescue the Angara and not destroy the facility, and Vetra questions if it’s wise to doubt the ‘wise shaman lady’, and she says it again. Those six words, trailing off like she’d decided it was a bad idea.

He hears it again multiple times in battle, when she’s activating monoliths or looking for glyphs or solving puzzles. It’s when she’s using something to her advantage, when she’s trying to think and can’t really understand something.

The fifth time he hears it is when she’s tinkering with her Combat Drone and Peebee’s Zap, her robots, or her ‘babies’ as she calls them. Jaal has begun to think of her romantically, and she’s admitted to feeling the same, but he’s unsure of how to approach the subject of a real relationship, like one he had with Allia all those years ago. He’s sitting in the tech lab, cleaning his sniper rifle, and she sits at the desk, taking apart the malfunctioning Combat Drone. He doesn’t know what the problem is, but she mutters it to herself, so low the translators barely pick it up, and she bites her bottom lip, as if she hadn’t even realized she said it, and continued to work on the drone. He wants to know about it, but he wants to know how her lips taste even more, if humans kiss with their lips, and if they’re really compatible. 

The sixth time she says it, she’s holding his brother in her arms, tears threatening to spill for someone she just met, and Lathoul is gripping onto her hand, panting, and Jaal feels like he owes her so much just for that simple gesture. She asks if he’s okay, unsure of what to do. She’s frantic, hoping for his life, and Lathoul reassures she and Jaal that he was fine, despite the obvious pain on his face. Jaal pulls her away, and they chase after Akksul to disarm the bombs. Sara is appointed to do it because she’s the best with tech, and she mutters it again before shooting the first Roekkar. It was definitely not a good time to ask then. 

He takes her to his home after that, trusting her with his heart, his soul, his very being. He loves her, so very much, and can’t even begin to describe how he feels when he sees her. And, very calmly, he takes her to his room, accidentally shows her the dead kaerkyn, Alfit, schematics, and still, she kisses him, telling him that she wanted to be with him in the same four words he used when she approached him with his attraction. Her lips are soft, and sweet, and it’s just an innocent, close mouthed kiss.

She says it again, for the seventh time he remembers, when they’re in her quarters. They shared their night on Aya, and every night since, together. He knows how hard it is for her to let people in, after her parents, how hard it is to let individuals know her, and he treasures how open she is with him all the more. 

He’s lying against her back, running his hand through her hair, amazed by how strange and beautiful it was, and his free hand rubs circles on her hip.

She tells him she loves him, and he thinks of the Archon’s ship, how he felt, how a piece of him died when she did, and thinks of what’s left to face. Everyone was on edge, because they found where Meridian was at one point, but Suvi and Kallo were locating three ideal Scourge pockets to find the real Meridian, and they had a moment to breathe before the storm. He tells her he adores her, loves her, kisses her cheek, and she smiles, turning to kiss him. He asks her how she’s doing, with everything, and she admits to feeling stuck. Like she was expending all of her options.

“But, you know. If you can’t change the wall…” He felt like she wasn’t finishing, and didn’t understand what it meant at all.

She turns to face him, her hand finding the spot on his neck flap that drove him crazy, and kisses him.

“What does that mean?” He finally asks, holding her close.

“What?” She asks, her lips still pressed against his.

“If you can’t change the wall?” He asks, brow furrowed as he pulls away. “What is it?”

She smiles, “It’s…something my dad used to say. I don’t say the whole thing, usually. It’s a habit nowadays…” She trails off, “The full thing’s ‘If you can’t change the wall, use it.’ He…he was a better man than I would admit, but he wasn’t a good father. He knew what he was doing.”

“How do you change a wall? Or, how do you use it?” He asks, confused. 

“That’s the point. If you’re cornered and can’t get away from a wall, then you use it to your advantage. He was always tactical. Always.” She shakes her head and shuts her eyes. “That really resonated with me after…after he died.”

“How?” He asks.

“How what?”

“How did he die?” His voice is soft, and she can’t look him in the eye.

“He died for me.” She says, hardly above a whisper, “He died because I was…on Habitat 7, he activated the purification field in one of the monoliths…we didn’t know what it was, and we fell from the top of the monolith. My helmet was smashed in, and the air was killing me. I don’t remember what he told me, but he took my helmet off and gave me his.” She shuts her eyes again and sighs, “I resented him for so long. He wasn’t a good dad, but…he was smart. And he knew what he was doing. Mostly.”

“And you…are trying to emulate him?”

“In a way, I guess. Look…can we talk about something else? I just…”

“Of course.” He kisses her neck, “Of course.” Her hand brushes over his neck as she pulls him closer.

Jaal was just glad he understood, and was willing to give her all the time she needed.


End file.
